The days seem to be getting better. They seem to be a little brighter every day.
There are a lot of things happening that are helping to contribute to me feeling better:
- Part of it is WTO,
- part of it is time.
- Part of it is the books.
- Part of it is the people in my life
- Part of it is the things that I'm doing to occupy my time and fill the holes in my life
- Part of it is church.
I'm starting to reprogram all of the bad memories that she put in my head. All the "you're bad" thoughts that she gave me. And I took it.
What kind of person tells another that you're bad? Only a maniac.
God, all of the things, from the beginning, are now starting to come together. I think she deceived me regularly:
- The nights where she didn't call me when she was supposed to and said that a woman gave her a ride home, I don't believe. In fact, she started a fight the next evening as well and wasn't available. Looking back, she probably met someone and went out, then called me the next day and apologized.
It's all coming together. She lied about everything in the relationship and tried to pin that on me.
You learn that BPDs always lie -- their entire life is based on other people, and they have no sense of self.
She also shows huge signs of narcissistic personality disorder, as she was never wrong for anything and in the end wouldn't take accountability for anything.
How frustrating, though -- I put up with that crap. I feel angry, upset and not happy about how I was treated. What a frigging monster.
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