Monday, March 3, 2008


It started there two years ago this past weekend -- she came down and we had the time of our lives. The absolute time of our lives. We ate sushi every night (had me-so-horny soup before the sushi), drank martinis and had our naked coffee talk, exposing ourselves to each other.

At that time, I thought that the naked coffee talk was so special, so magical. She was the first that had been comfortable with themselves to do such a thing, and that spoke volumes. Sit there, talk about life and what drives you, completely exposed and stripped down.

The problem is that's just your physical appearance. A lot more goes into a person that's beyond the beauty. Just because the woman was comfortable with her nakedness doesn't mean that she's comfortable with her true self.

I was looking for someone that was comfortable in their nakedness and with their true self. She wasn't comfortable in the second, no matter how she tried to convince me. My god, she has tried to convince me.

Anyway, I learned a lot this weekend. I learned that I had a world that was wonderful, that had so much hope and so much happiness, before I met her. The world was mine, a world that I built, a world that I loved. A world where I was respected and treated with decency because I have that integrity.

A world where I'm the guest of honor and annual conventions, and I present awards, give seminars, etc. I loved that world.

The divorce made me leave that world. She wanted me to leave that world. You need to do what makes you happy, and that world made me real happy.

Think it's time to make a change.

It makes me crazy because she thinks crazy thoughts, things that just aren't true, particularly of me. It's so much about her, so much about her world and her mind and what everybody's doing to her. At my expense.

I'll never let this kind of thing happen to me again. Ever. Too much pain, too much turmoil, too much of the nightmare.

Someone told me she was like an addiction, and she is. Absolutely addicting. But she's vilified me so it doesn't matter. I'm the monster according to her.

Don't want to be told this anymore because it's just not true.

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