...why this breakup is so tough...
When you're broken up with because of normal reasons (I'm not into you), it's okay; you hurt, but you get over it.
When life is great together and you connect so well with someone, then the person breaks up with you because of crazy, unfounded, concocted, false things about yourself, it's tough.
That's what she did. In her paranoid dissociative state, she told me I:
- lied to her all the time
- tried to screw with her
- etc.
That's why she left. She would never trust me no matter how much I sacrificed.
By the way, one of the signs of abuse is extreme jealousy, which she had. My life was paralyzed because of it. But she takes no accountability, another sign of BPD.
Anyway, that's why it's so hard. She has split and I'm the evil one. Alternating between idealization and devaluing.
What a shame...
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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"When life is great together and you connect so well with someone, then the person breaks up with you because of crazy, unfounded, concocted, false things about yourself, it's tough." - This is EXACTLY what just happened to me. Everytime things were going good, she would bring me down by being negative. Like the things i had done to show i loved her didn't matter at all. Then i noticed an even greater change in her attitude than ever before. It was so noticable it was shocking. Then the false accusations and crazy thoughts began to become too much for me to handle. I was seeing a pattern develop...so during the last phone call i decided i had enough and i ended it right then and there. It has been the most painful thing i've ever had to do because i was tricked into believing that this was going to work out somehow. I can only imagine how many other time this person has done this to people or what she had going on on the side that she never admitted to me. It's downright scary...and i feel like i might never be able to look at people the same way ever again. It has made me lose my mind and my heart is broken.
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