Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Me Time

Enough of this. It's back to her turmoil. We haven't spoken once, and via email and text messages, she has me back in anxiety land. She's back to:
- Telling me that I'm a liar
- Telling me that I'm a sick person who is screwing with her
- Not saying anything nice.

I can't do it. She sent me a message saying that she needs to move on, and the protocol now is to contact her and beg her, or go over to her house to prove that I want her. After I didnt respond, she sent me a real nasty note saying that I would never be like Jeff (her ex husband) and I'm downright evil.

Mom and Dad told me that I shouldn't talk to her at all. Cut off all communication altogether. Chris told me that he was disappointed in me.

Looking back at the past week, this was the way my life was every day. That sucks. No one, I mean NO ONE deserves that crap.

Know what it's like when you're with someone who, when you tell them something, later tells you that you said something different.

It's insane.

She's insane.

Unfortunately, over time, you begin to question your own sanity. Even though these issues are clearly hers, she makes them yours.

And you take some of them. You can't help but do it. It's a shame, but true.

In the end, it's just too much. Way too much for anyone to take. She's going to have to get herself some help or she'll keep repeating this pattern over and over.

I used to be afraid that she'd find someone that she wasn't this way with. I can't be afraid. That's not my problem. In three to four months, I'll be okay, I know it. I'm beginning to feel better already, actually.

It's time for me. Time for Den and putting some time into himself. Things to do:
- Get the career on track. Write freelance or for an industry that I want to. Try to get my tail back into the fishing industry in any way possible.
- Learn how to make that guitar sing like a little girl. Make that baby cry, do whatever I want it to.
- Finish the book
- Get into kick ass shape
- Keep getting the kids together
- Get the finances in order

Enough of this bullshit. That's what it is bullshit. I'm not here to continually make someone feel good so they can shit on me. Not only that, the stuff she says isn't true. I've put my time into someone who's truly psychotic. Enough of this bullshit.

Time to go. Update the iPod so the sad songs are gone. Shed the martyr, feel sorry for myself, sad shell and put on a new coat of armor. Tired of feeling bad. Time to feel good and live my life to its fullest.

1 comment:

  1. I'm in the separation boat now. I ask myself am I just that weak and needy or does she really have a hook in me so bad that I can't just feel good about walking away. This relationship is toxic. I know it, I allowed it. People on the outside have no idea why this is so addictive,hoenetly I don't know either. But she started dating someone else and I have to move on. Right...if she lets me.


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